They say you don’t know who your real friends are until you are in your darkest hour. It’s easy to be surrounded by sunny day people, but who will stick by us when the dark clouds appear and as we weather the storms of life?
I have had a lot of time to reflect on the nature of friendship after having a close call with death that landed me in the Intensive Care Unit of Brooklyn Hospital Center for several weeks. Having no family of my own to advocate and support me, I was completely in the hands of my friends to get my needs met.
Luckily a lot of people rose to the occasion. Prayers, messages, love poured in from all across the world. People I work with creatively showed up with gifts, running errands, and to simply sit for hours and keep watch. Other so called friends who I previously spent so much time focused on getting to know better barely showed interest.
Now I myself am guilty of any sin I describe here and do not place myself in any holier than thou position. I have avoided hospitals, funerals in the past. Sometimes you have to personally experience something to truly understand the value of it. I just didn’t know how important it is to have friends or family by your side in a hospital setting. Love is energy that solidifies the healing process. The presence of others provides advocacy as a patient is often bed bound and helpless in many ways.
I have so many groups of friends in my life. One group seems to only bond over the tragedies and misfortunes in the world. Everything is a fight for a cause, a call to arms to combat the injustice du jour. Another is a happy go tribe where life is sunny weather all the time; festivals, yachts, private jets, French rose, dancing till dawn whilst globetrotting to fabulous places.
We all need each other. There is a saying that there is the family you are born with, and the family you choose. The later being in many ways more right sized as we surround ourselves with people who reflect who we are more accurately than blood relations.
I have no choice. My parents are both in heaven. My only blood relation is an older brother Mitchell. He lives in another state and is a self diagnosed curmudgeon. He seems to just not have the capacity to love and care for his younger sibling. I have never once as an adult been able to lean on him in times of trouble. I am not angry about this fact as I learned long ago to simply accept it for what it is, and him for whom he is. I lean on friends for all the support one would get from a spouse, parent, sibling, or child. For this reason I want to express my gratitude and acknowledge the multitude of people who rose to the occasion. You are my real life world family.
Prince Rumi is a celebrated music artist, filmmaker, and photographer based in NYC who came to the hospital daily and often slept in a chair next to my bed during the first critical nights. Andre Mistier and Emily Sumner joined Prince Rumi in creating a private Facebook inner circle page to navigate communication and visits during the critical first days. Freddy Tovar is a physician friend who often came to the hospital and advocated on my behalf when he saw how my conditions could be improved. Dr. Tovar also came during subsequent follow up visits with the surgeon to be my watchful advocate so I would get the best care possible.
On December 16th I posted on Facebook moments before surgery that I was in a life or death situation and asked for people to send healing thoughts and prayers.
I awoke the next day to nearly five hundred people who did just that. I believe that the surgery in combination with this tremendous outpouring of love saved my life. Thank you...
Clark Langdon, Martin Seiler, Dan LeBrun, Maureen Gaynor, Bobby Hedglin-Taylor, Alyssa Manner Kogon, Kareem Awadalla, Ron (Zoni) Cianciaruso, Yohann Freejay, Carl Rogers, Jorge Raul, Kier Antherton, Patricia Martins, Joyce Newman, John DuPont, Billy Jay Stein, Alex Ott, Shawn Mandel, Daniel Catullo, Francis Parker, Eliza Callahan, Chris Rieke, Michael Press, Pedro Martin, Bradley Chippington, Jorge Hernandez, Patrick Hegarty, Mitchell Krasnow, Jeroen Kok, Robert Gordon, Jonathan Tack, Peggy Mansfield, Laura Ramirez DeArellano, Sam Kogon, Jefferey Patterson, Chris Smith, Billy Amendola, Andrew Fromm, Brad Holtzman, Liah Alonso, Rob Sisco, Byron Hill, Suzy Malick, Servando Rosario, Matt Paco, Leslie Michel Milch, Robbie Donaldson, William Cottone, Alejo Mtz, Will Galetto, Tom Barnes, Ari Gold, Samantha Cole, Howie Edelson, Brett Marcus Coady, Mark Steinberg, Carl Conge, Josh Zepps, Valerie Meek, Dylan Meek, Gary Spina, Nico Vorkamp, James Ramey, Ken Harada, Nathalie Lefevre, Emil Lynch, Nate Christy, Jenna Torres, Braedon Cox, Carol Kaye, Scotty Grand, Barry Dunaway, Lee Lagomarsino, Mel England, Larry Russell, Ricardo Mena, Maureen Brooks, Matthew Berritt, Ric Aliberte, Bonnie Lowe Wingate, Charlie D, Eli Lazar, Kevin Canafax, Michael Jurkovac, Andrew Martin Martin Andrews, Rich Fehle, Jimmy Carvalho, Frank Cefalo, Mike Luciano, Russ Titelman, Kicesie Drew, Diana Nall Browne, Rich Kiamco, Lina Skiba, Joann McPike, Jeremy Thompson, Katherine Desmond, Danielle Tafeen Karuna, Maria Preuster, Joni Fiore, Loretta Palacios, Bryan Floyd, Kim Marston, Larry Poston, Shannon Cusack, Scott Donaton, Mike Schikora, Oleg Kavkaz, Nanci M Walker, George Fisher, John Denicola, Tony Watson, Susanne White, Robin Liepman, Robert Bohner-Eisman, Suzee Rock, Christopher John Porzio, Ellyn Harris, Lynn Haber Peteroy, Andrea Visco, Charles Tetro, Tim Davis, Courtney Campbell, Jenny Diaz, Craig Casey, Brent Bauer Butler, Tiffany Schlesinger, Laura Patterson, Victoria Shaw, Daniel Peters, Dave Shor, Dan Boner, Gage Cass Woodle, Audrey Martells, Melinda Newman, Steven Machat, Lynn Hurdle-Price, Johnny Vieira, Yuriy Boyko, Pamela Vitale, Kc Cooley, Karen Lozowski-Crisafulli, Joe Che, Neal Donough, Sophis Dorsainvil, Ricki Lynn Petersen, Kathleen Holm, John Luongo, Darrel Blackburn, Suzanne Hilleary, David Bonfin, Benny Landa, Mitchell Gold, Jill Spanos Woodle, Fede Petro, Catherine Angiel, Erica Busch, Rebecca Klements, Tom Verette, Tyrone Corbett, Alexander Dollischal, Willy Wayz, MG Gonzalez, Justin Stein, Sandra Feirman, Michele Vice-Maslin, Steven Wolf, Rob Mastrianni, Loretta Munoz, Dianne Grippi, Peter D. Greene, Carissa Azar, Malley Bragg Heinlein, Michael Frondelli, Alan Laporte, David Delmar Coats, Paul G. Love, Danielle Napoli, Jasmine Robinson, Marcia Forman OConnell, Kari Kimmel-Haskell, Jacob Troy, Taylor Casey, Hugh Pool, Patti Jennings, Shelly L. Ackerman, Malhmed Fonrush, Paul Bragoli, Loreen Favia, Laurie Kropkowski, Owen Grover, Hotho Nura Aabokor, Nichol Son, Bruce Beyer, Clifton Jaeger, Nora Simpson, Richard W. Perna, Kika Childs II, Jay Epstein, Holly Greene, Zain Pais, Tina Marie Cernero, Shereen Hickman, Allan J. Tepper, Phillip Joseph, Jacquie Geller, Monica Wolfson, Ben Scalise, Bobby Espinosa, Veronique Pittman, Michael Dorf, Linda Moran, Meg McNeal, Bradley Kohn, Rose Gross-Marino, Jerry Goldman, Tim Weidow, Mick Oakleaf, Shawn O’Connor, Darcy K. Hall, Dion Flynn, Kurt Mahoney, Christopher Lanter, Nicole Ganz, Artem Shcherbakov, Tanya Mason, Nathalie Emanuels, Terry Derkach, Alex Anthony, Sarah Elizabeth Suchomel, Jeffery Paul Bobrick, Robert Chitel, Jacob Reitan, Peter Freed, Andrea Tosi, Nadereh Zelaya Gibson, Andrew Conti, Jonathan McHugh, Maia Neumann, Jon Landers, Kelley Keefner, Andrew Yeh, Dillon Mason, Gabriel Nochlin- Gargari, Dave Lory, T-Ray Eccles, Timothy Alexander Phillips, Karen A. Swenson, Kieran Antill, Jenny Roberts, Igor Prole, Uma Nanda Saraswati, Jakub Milde, Grant Collins, Marc Vanden Berg, Billy Mann, David Griffiths, Darrell Brown, Michael Nicolaysen, George Cameron, Claudia Cane, Jesse Siminski, Katya Rubanov, Savas Abadsidis, Chesney Hawkes, Carole Wilde Weyant, Stephen Kalinich, Paul Caine, Kathy Florio, Edward J. Meakem, Mike Allen Hill, Dave Deporis, Anthony Ferriso, Susan Lane, John Barber, John Gusman, Natalie Lowe, Jennifer Teixeira, Sandra Thompson, Horek McWilliams, Jax Quinn, Oliver Straus, Alex Schatzberg, Kepi Sozzi, Ingrid Mayi, Luke McQueen, Telly Karoussos, Rosita Haas, Matthew A. Jardine, Lori Majewski, Jan Rothman, Mitch Schecter, Gabriel Angelo, Claire Testa, Nicholas Johnson, Steve Kline, Jerry D’Imperio, Randy Jones, Stephen Buzzy Krist, James Berdugo, Eugenie Abbott, Michael Ravensbergen, Tim Fielding, Tim Palmer, Shannon Crittenden, Andy Marino, Al & Mary Ann Jardine, Aston Palmer, Valmira Mavraj, Andy Beck, Loren Ferriso, Kim Marcelli, Gregory Anderson, Tommy Henriksen, Pamela MacKirdy Jenkins, Kelly Higgins Cotter, Clare Maxwell, Adam Wacht, Diane Susini, Tim Moore, Sean Hyland, Jon Sinton, Ken Newman, Carol Zach, Jonathan C. Goldstein, Jeffrey Hurant, Rob Mastrianni, Daniel Son, Joseph McLaughlin, Drew Meeks, Jessey White-Cinis, Mabel DeOleo, Lori Levin, Dave Novik, Julie Soltes-Challener, Robert Challener, John Greener, David Bookman, Chuck Taylor, Eli Gindi, Elizabeth Brooks, Andrew Ditchik, Rob Friedlander, Eileen Meyer, John Hall, Anna Malova, Dr. Winfred (Freddy) Tovar, Ayhan Sahin, Mark Milstein, Chuck Burgi, Max Acosta, Dusty Wright, Oliver Palomares, Rosita Haas, Bobby Messano, Robert Phillips, Roberto Macinelli, Gaynor Woolford, Lucy Fielding, Julius Milo Kelly, Charlotte E. Binns, Randy Niklason, Tom Teeley, Tohm Sarah Lev, Shelly & Tony Malkin, Renee Bailey, Mary Ann Jardine, Kate Hanna, Finnegan Shanahan, Marc Kleiner, Drew Jardine, Derek Gano, Tony Simone, Patrick Askin, Andrew Drazic, Tzipor Mia, Jan Wichmann, Jared Drew Williams, Elisa Sole, Joe OHaire, Jeff Bova, Bryan Beyer, Andy Land, Rick Pat, Claudia Cane, Ba Ez, Karine Hanna, Joseph Burns, Gunner Arnson, Robin Amos Kahn, David Lopez, David Spero, Brian Stollery, Brian Pierce, Tom Bennett, Ellen Hyman Jones, Kurt Mahoney, Larry Coleman, Gerardo Velez, Robert Joseph Hoffman, Jim Rado, Laurie Kropkowski.
Andre Mistier, Al & Mary Ann Jardine, Veronique Pittman, Joni Fiore, Oliver Straus, Kathy Davis, Jay Epstein, Jacob Troy, Dave Shor, Michelle/Bertha Wells, Peter Freed, Oliver Schulze, Carl Conge, Ron Cianciaruso, Nigel Nowlin, Timothy Phillips, Shereen Hickman, Megan McGill, Cory Claussen, Dan & Tara Boner, Lee Lagomarsino, Audrey Martells, Evan Novis, Daniel Catullo, Rick Mauro, Jessey White-Cinis, Danielle Napoli, Don Friedman, Jon La Grace, Charles Deel, Carl Rogers, Kelley Keefner, George Daniel, Jai Sugrim, Brent Butler, Marianne & Jessyca Silva, Mike DePaola, Jeffrey Hurant, Ellen Snyder-Grenier, Ryan Link, Caitlin Fahey, Darrel Blackburn, Aspen Powers, Vitaly Dvoskin (no relation), Marko Cekic, Michael Chadwick, Niki Fox, Sam Schlesinger, Loreen Favia, Corinne Boswell, Olga Tsoy, Billy Jay Stein, Karen Swenson.
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